Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in bcheetah's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, February 6th, 2008
8:49 pm	How the time flies... Wolfie, you hit it right on the head for not having enough time. In my last entry from LAST MARCH (which, by the way, only seems like yesterday when I posted it) I had hoped to have found a job outside of Iowa...move...begin a new chapter...yadda yadda yadda. But instead I did find a new job where I did not have to move...and the job found me. So it has been a nice switch...although not without its stresses. I am scrambling to get some drivers hired and trained before I head down to Florida again in 4 weeks (and yes I am counting down the days LOL). So I have refused myself a social life as of late to ensure that my absence from work will not be noticed... (on a side note, my boss specifically told me that I should turn my work phone OFF while I am down there). Oh, I did get a digital camera and an Underwater housing for the digital camera so I will be taking LOTS of pictures during my dives in Florida...so if you want to see them just let me know. So much to do...so little time in the next four weeks. So there you have it. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 25th, 2007
9:59 pm	More Ramblings The ball is in motion to leave Iowa. I am ready (actually I have been ready for a while). Let's see how long it takes for the ball to pick up speed and make it happen. Resumes have been getting sent...just waiting for interviews and still sending more resumes. I close friend moved out to LA to live with his boyfriend. I am very happy for him and yet incredibly jealous at the same time. I was hoping to see him before he left. Unfortunately that did not happen. Just could not get schedules to mesh and the fact I was in Florida for the last 2 1/2 weeks did not help either. On the bright side it gives me an excuse to go out and visit them. Speaking of Florida...it was great. Enjoyed the gorgeous weather. Got to SCUBA dive (although not as many as times as I could have...had to deal with work issues back here and ended up giving myself a nasty headache. One does not dive with a headache...makes it worse). Came back with some light brown skin. But it was quite the ordeal coming back home. Breakdowns, having to shoot from the hip to solve some immediate issues with keeping my customers happy (although I do get enjoyment out of doing that though I may stress about it while it's happening). Left Sebastian, FL at 9:30 am EDT Friday, left Orlando, FL at 8:30 pm EDT Friday, next drivers took over in Atlanta at 4:30 am, napped for a bit in their hotel room before hopping in the car for the rest of the drive back, had to sit in Chattanooga for about 2 hours working on those shoot from the hip plans, and so on and so forth. Finally made it home at 3 am CDT Sunday morning. At that point I had 5 hours of sleep since I woke up at 6 am EDT Friday. (2 1/2 in the hotel, 2 1/2 in the car) I was sore, took some pain killers thinking it would help me fall asleep...WRONG lol! So I couldn't sleep and have been up since getting back so now I am really tired. Hopefully get some good sleep tonight. I am off to bed. Current Mood: tired (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 3rd, 2007
8:13 pm	Ramblings of exhaustion Hmm, it's 8 pm...do you know where my brain is? Oh, it shut off like 14 hours ago. I have been up for, let's see, 39 hours. My roommate celebrated her birthday last night. Party went til 3 am. I had to be at work at 6:15 am. I was designated driver. Got home, decided I would oversleep if I went to bed so started pumping Vivarin and caffeinated beverages. Got me through today although I feel my body start to crash. I am going to sleep like the dead tonight. Next subject before bed...miscommunication. I am sorry for there being miscommunication...or better way of putting it: lack of communication. I will be the first to admit that I am not the best at randomly picking up the phone and calling my friends and that I am slow at returning calls. I am trying. Really. I am. But one of my friends who is dear to me and doesn't realize just how important he is to me is angry as we have not talked much recently...at least that is what I am getting told from some mutual friends. I wish it wasn't like this. There is no reason why it had to get to this point. I dropped the ball and I don't know at what point that ball hit the ground. I am sorry. Please talk to me. Let's work through this and continue our friendship. Please? Current Mood: exhausted (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 8th, 2006
2:52 pm	I do not want to be at work It is such a beautiful day. I am stuck at work. Got a mountain of things on my desk to complete. But I don't want to be here. I want to take a sabbatical. Last night a good friend here finally admitted to himself that he has an alcohol problem. He broke down crying. My friend Mark and I cried with him being there for him. He and I are both doing our best to help our mutual friend deal with his demons and point him to the help that we cannot provide. There is something more going on in his head but he is not ready to deal with those demons yet. One demon at a time. As far as the other things going on...I'll update later. Bramsole: let's go out for coffee and get caught up! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 22nd, 2006
7:25 pm	Whew! What a year! Obviously it has been a while since I have posted. A lot of things have happened this year. Got a lot of reflecting going on. Things at work seem to be much better, at least for now. I still wouldn't mind finding something else, but for the moment, I have found my current job enjoyable again. Looking forward for the trip to Florida for three weeks in March! (There are some nice perks with my job...get to camp in Florida with the customers and SCUBA dive! Also get to go to New Orleans in January for UMA Expo. That will be a nice break) I am taking my SCUBA certification class. Yesterday and today were the classroom and swimming pool sessions. Next weekend we get to dive at Banner Lake between Des Moines and Indianola and then Big Blue up in Mason City. That water is going to be COLD...even with a 7 mm wetsuit. I'll deal with it LOL. And combined with next weekend being all the Halloween stuff around central Iowa... I may end up staying in Iowa a while longer...Wolfie wants to come back here. I cannot wait! Going to bed now...am exhausted from the SCUBA class... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 9th, 2006
10:32 pm	Pondering Still stuck in Ames...still haven't found another job...still feeling restless and needing to do something...still feeling like the wheels are spinning in the sand. I escaped Ames for a few days. Went to Ohio to see Wolfie. I was so happy to see him...words cannot describe. Got to meet some new friends, too, while I was there. God I did not want to come back (plus it was tiring being in the car for 12 hours). I must remember to send a thank you card to Fern. She drew a beautiful portrait for me. Must go get food. I am starving. -Spikes (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, March 31st, 2006
5:08 pm	Bored in Missouri...need to change my environment (Ames) I am twirling my thumbs here in the Ozarks. Beautiful country. I have a nice group of people I brought down. But I wish I was home. I haven't been home much in the last month. Getting rather old. I have a love-hate relationship with my job and it is beginning to show. I can't help it, either. I do my best to keep a content look on my face when I go to work but it is becoming more and more difficult. A nice thing about my job, I got to be in Florida for 2 weeks...(side note: must get SCUBA certified...) I really think it is time for me to leave Ames. I left before for four and a half years but felt drawn back here. I think I was ready to leave Ames behind me about 2 years ago...it just took this long to really sink in. The only thing I have in Ames keeping me here are my friends. I love them all and hate to leave them behind (though I know they all understand my need to leave). It is still tough to do. I feel like I don't know where I belong. I wish I could afford to travel for a while...explore...see where I feel at home. I am looking at many different places to move...back to Minneapolis, Seattle, Japan, Australia, Phoenix, Florida, British Columbia... So many choices...but need a job...or need to be independently wealthy (HA, like that is going to happen any time soon). I am just so tired but yet feel restless. Time to go...my passengers await... Current Mood: restless (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, December 23rd, 2005
5:01 pm	Can't really think of a title As the year 2005 comes to a close I am taking my usual end of year reflection And what I have listed here seems paltry in comparison to what some of the people I love have experienced this year. This year has been rather unique. I have made a lot of new acquaintances who I want to know more...I have made some new friends who I feel very close to...and I have had some old friends pop back in my life who I thought were gone for good. Now the nitty gritty. (and this is not meant to be depressing or to ask for pity or anything...I just want to share) I went from one managerial position in the public sector to a similar one in a private sector. I thought it would be different. It is, but the demands are pretty high. I sometimes wonder if I am up for the fight. I am not a sales person but I am in a sales-oriented managerial position (kind of an oxymoron if you ask me). I don't know how to think in sales strategies or where to look for new markets. Hell, it's tough recognizing the opportunities to sell our company's services that open up right in front of me. I let my job get in the way of any personal life. Damn work ethic and workaholic problem I have. I dream of not having to work for anyone else, being independently wealthy (which is a big pipe dream right now). I know that I have to pay my dues but good lord I work my butt off. I went from believing my ex-fiance was falling in love with me again to having that dream slammed to the ground. I truly believed her when she told me that she was in love with me (after I opened my heart up to her again to show her how much I loved her). Then decided just a few weeks later that she didn't know what her feelings for me meant to her and that she made a mistake by telling me she was in love with me and wanted some time away from me...only to start seeing someone else. It felt like my heart was served up to me barbequed on a spit. So I did what I always do and I withdrew from everything. Hid from most of my friends...hid from work (let me tell you that it did wonders to my work performance)...and I guess I tried hiding from myself. I only started to peek out again with some encouragement from Chaz and Chromehooves. Now I have feelings (very very strong feelings) for someone new. He is such a wonderful, beautiful man. But alas I am a day late and a dollar short for he is leaving. I wish him the best as it is all I can do. (Maybe I didn't even stand a chance with him). I don't know. I don't believe I have the right to feel selfish but damnit I have a hard time letting myself have these feelings for someone...let alone sharing it with the one I have the feelings for. I accept the fact that he needs to do what he feels is right for him. I respect that very very much. And he will still be a very close friend no matter where he is. (yeah it sounds cheesy but what the hell) So there's my year in a very brief nutshell. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 13th, 2005
10:22 am	First Entry It's about time I get a lot of the thoughts out of my head and out to where they can be sorted and dealt with rather than clogging my head, making me useless. For too long I have kept all of the things that bother me inside, not letting my friends help. Time for some relief. (2 Comments |Comment on this)